A Loss for the Broncos; A Win for Tebow’s Leadership

Talk about a blowout.  The New England Patriots did just about everything right in Saturday night’s NFL playoff game.  If you’re a fan of the Denver Broncos, not only were you disappointed in such a butt-kicking loss, but you were saddened to see their ‘against-all-odds’ run, led by quarterback Tim Tebow, come to an end.

Like most of the world, I am fascinated by the media attention given to and the resulting impact of Tim Tebow.  This athlete is like no other quarterback, sports professional or even celebrity we’ve ever seen!

Because of his outspokenness, Tebow caused John 3:16 (his favorite Bible verse) to be a top-trending search on Google.  And, this isn’t the first time he’s done that, either.  His name is adorning headline after headline – some reinforcing his encouragement, some criticizing it.  Nonetheless, he’s without a doubt one of the most talked-about people in our nation right now.

There’s just something different about him, don’t you agree?  It’s that something that has everyone talking.  I think that something is his leadership.

Tebow demonstrates leadership in a way we don’t often see, and from a position that hasn’t often been leveraged to this extent off the football field.  He is an outstanding model of four key leadership principles that we can all learn from.

He’s not afraid to be different. 

How many people can really say this?  Not many from what I’ve seen.  We all have these “little voices” in our heads that undermine our confidence, and instead of allowing us to stand-out, cause us to conform to everyone else.  We want to be liked and accepted.  We want to be in the “in-crowd.”  We want to fit in with everyone, perhaps being at the “top” of everyone…but not so much that it would cause us to be different.

But the best leaders, the ones throughout all of history that we can all point to, they are all different.  They are non-conformists.  They are passionate about their different way of thinking.  They know it’s their difference that will make all the difference!  Abe Lincoln took an unpopular and different stance against slavery; Martin Luther King, Jr. had a different dream for equal rights; Steve Jobs took a different approach to give most people access to computer technology; Tony Hsieh addressed customer satisfaction differently by creating and nurturing a happy workforce.

The list could go on, but the point is clear: confidence in thinking differently breeds innovation and change.  You can’t be just like everyone else and lead people to someplace new.  For Tebow, it’s leading people to Christ, and he’s not afraid if that makes him different.  (By the way, he’s also proud to be the first homeschooled athlete to win the highly notable Heisman Award, because it provides a great example of homeschooling success, for both academics and extracurricular activities – another big difference versus “traditional” thinking.)

He models humility and service to others. 

Tebow is known for serving his teammates, his community and children with severe illnesses.  He easily gives away credit where it’s due, and his interviews reflect a heart not eager to be famous, but rather to make a difference.

For every game, Tebow brings a sick or terminally ill child and his/her family to spend time with him before and after the game.  He genuinely cares, and although he wants to win a football game, he seems more passionate about putting a smile on a child’s face.  His actions inspire long-time sports fans and writers alike.

During a game, he is known for encouraging his teammates, giving grace when mistakes are made and keeping energy levels up.  When a perfectly thrown pass is dropped by a receiver, Tebow is likely to help his teammate blow off the mistake, because he “still needs to catch the game-winning pass.”

Like a great leader, Tebow makes his presence known, not for self-serving purposes, but to somehow make life better for those around him.

He provides hope and vision.

There are so many things about Tebow that seem to be “unexplainable.”  His unorthodox style of quarterbacking has experts both baffled and frustrated when it results in a win for his team.  He helps us to believe in the unbelievable – for some, perhaps a step into Christian faith, for others, a simple belief that the underdog can win.

Tebow has overcome doubters and obstacles all his life; starting from birth, when his mother was advised to abort him after receiving medical treatment when she didn’t realize she was pregnant.  During his college years, he received numerous awards and honors, including launching a non-profit on campus and making philanthropy “cool” for college kids.

As a professional NFL player, Tebow, who may not be the most consistent quarterback, uses the platform to provide hope to fans, viewers and teammates.  He often comments about the importance of relationships he has built with his players and coaches.  And, perhaps, most importantly to him, he is helping millions of people to believe in something bigger than themselves.  He is consistent in his behavior and words, making it hard for people do doubt his belief or intentions….which only leaves them with hope that maybe, just maybe, there could be truth in what he is saying.

Napoleon Bonaparte is quoted as saying, “a leader is a dealer in hope.”  Tebow provides a vision filled with hope.  His actions even have coined a term called “tebowing” and he is one of the most popular NFL players, with his jersey and fathead likeness flying off the shelves.  It’s hard to argue that people don’t want more of what this leader is dealing.

He is passionate and purpose-driven.

Millions of people are Googling Bible verses.  Sexy magazines are polling people about the value of virginity and waiting until you’re married.  People everywhere are seeing the value of giving back, or even just being a person of integrity.  Tebow is making values seem “cool” and it’s motivating people to mimic him.

Like all great leaders, Tebow is passionately focused on his purpose.  He is unabashed about it, despite heavy criticism by some.  The criticism doesn’t sway him.  Ever.  He is focused, fully-believing in what he’s supposed to be doing with his life.

Tebow’s unwavering may be what is most convincing to others.  His confidence and passion in his purpose seems to stir something in all of us.  After all, don’t we all want to better understand what we’re here for?  Purpose is something that most people want to better understand and claim for their own lives.  Tebow seems to know his with clarity.

People want to follow a leader who is this sure, this passionate about his purpose.  We want a piece of the dream, and we want to be marching behind someone whose intentions are this clear in getting us there.

Tebow many not be the best NFL quarterback in history, and who knows if he’ll even be a starter next season.  Regardless, he’s made his mark on the world, and he’s made millions think and hope.  And, I don’t think he’s going away any time soon.  I think he still has more leading to do.

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.

Leadership Lessons from a Christmas Crisis

Happy New Year and welcome to 2012!!  I’m excited to begin the next chapter of life, and I’m planning for (not wishing or hoping for) my best year ever.  How about you?

I have to admit, 2011 didn’t end as I had thought it would.  This was my family’s first holiday season in Dallas.  Given that this is still a transition time for us (we’re recent transplants,) I wasn’t expecting that it would feel like the last three decades of Christmases, surrounded by family and more friends than I can count!  Oh, this Christmas….this one was different for sure, but not in the way I had expected.

On the Friday before Christmas, I awoke with the worst headache (my first red flag, since I don’t tend to get headaches!)  Over-the-counter pain relievers and sinus/allergy medicines didn’t provide any relief as they normally would have, and the headache worsened as the day went on.

By evening, the pain had gone into my neck and back, in addition to encircling my head.  My lovely date night with my husband included a wonderful dinner and tickets to Les Miserables (our favorite musical.)  I only made it to the Intermission, when I apologetically looked at my husband and said, “I can’t take the pain anymore.”

We went straight to the Emergency Room.

After a CAT scan, blood work and two spinal taps (the first one didn’t garner any fluid) they admitted me into the hospital to spend Christmas weekend with a diagnosis of viral meningitis.

I allowed myself to mourn and be sad for only a few hours, and then I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and considered what I should be grateful for and what I can learn from this situation.  It’s amazing how we can find leadership lessons just about anywhere, if we only look….

Listen to your body.  Hear what it needs and take care of it.  You can never be your best – even with all the talent and passion in the world - if you can’t physically do it.  Your health is vital to your success!

I had no idea what was wrong with me…but I know my body.  I knew my morning headache was unusual and as the symptoms increased, my gut kept nudging me to get help.  I’m so glad I listened!

By the way, your body sends you more subtle messages too.  It doesn’t just speak to you in emergencies.  Do you listen when your body says it’s tired, hungry, in need of movement, relaxation, creative stimulation, or even a good cry?  Your body tells you all these things and more.  If you want to bring your best to the New Year, you must be in tune with your body.  Listen to what it says and respond accordingly.

Advocate for yourself.  Communicate clearly your desired outcome and any obstacles you need help removing.  Nobody can help you get there, if they don’t know where “there” is or what’s getting in your way.

After arriving in the ER, they quickly did a CAT scan of my head and told me it showed that I had sinusitis.  I have allergies, and I often suffer from sinus-related issues as a result.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I knew without a doubt this was more than a sinus issue.  I clearly and confidently communicated that although my sinuses might be inflamed, this was not what I was feeling.  I detailed my symptoms again and asked for additional tests.  This little “push” got further action and results.

Do the “right” people know what you want in your future?  Are you asking for help from people who actually have the power and authority to help you?  Never just assume that people know what you want.  Be sure you’re communicating your goals, your confidence and your intention, so others can help!

Don’t let fear make decisions for you.  My advocating got me additional testing in the form of a spinal tap.  I was afraid to allow them to puncture my spine, but that’s exactly where I found my answers.

I could have said no.  Frankly, I wanted to say no after they explained it to me.  I had gotten epidurals before with the birth of both my children.  Both times they hit nerves, and I knew they’d be going even deeper with a spinal tap.  I was already in so much pain…did I need to go through more?!?!  I did, and logically, I knew it.

You will never make a clear decision when you allow fear to drive you.  Fear is powerful, and often not in good ways.  It impairs your judgment, squelches healthy risk and holds creativity prisoner.  It can be a bad four-letter word and should not be empowered to drive your actions.  Don’t give into it when it’s not necessary!

Social media is powerful!  Once I got settled into my room, my sweet husband brought me some personal items, including my iPad.  He quickly took my picture and said, go ahead and post it on Facebook.  He knew it was the quickest way to send a consistent message to many people at once, and he knew those same people would encourage me and give me strength to deal with this crisis.

My darling husband knows me well enough to realize how much I value community and connectedness.  This Christmas was going to be hard, just being away from the home I have known for the last 30+ years, but to be isolated in the hospital on top of that…well, that just wouldn’t do!  He gave me the exact tool I needed to fuel my well-being; instant connection with people who love me.

This, by the way, turned out to be my best Christmas present!!  I was able to keep everyone updated on my prognosis and recovery, but equally as important, I received more loving and encouraging wishes through Facebook than I could have ever imagined!!  People were coming out of the woodwork to pray for me, make me smile and coach me through the process of healing.  I am convinced I would have remained in the hospital longer without this chicken soup for my soul.

Whether it be Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or some new-fangled site I don’t yet know about, think about how you could use it to more effectively communicate, demonstrate leadership or rally the energy of many toward a common purpose.  I’m telling you, bringing people together has power, and social media brings people together!

A grateful attitude lifts your spirits and inspires others.  While I was being nurtured back to health by many supporters, I did my best to remain positive and show them and everyone helping me how sincerely grateful I was.  As it turns out, people felt inspired by this.  They felt as though I was somehow being courageous and optimistic, and it even caused some people to take action on things in their own lives!!  Wow, I love how attitudes can be contagious (better than the virus, right?!)

Good or bad, I have found that the people around you not only react to your attitude, but it affects them too!  What kind of effect do you want to have on the people around you?  Do you want to infect them with the germs of negativity, or do you want to lead people to a better place?  Either way, you’re “catchy,” so be mindful!

Today, I am home recuperating with just mild headaches and stiffness, along with some “normal” (for me) sinus congestion and fatigue.  Each day I feel better and better, and each day I have reflected on the blessings that came out of this chaos.

I am amazed by and ever-so-grateful for the wonderful (and cheerful) care provided by every single professional at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Dallas.  I am blessed beyond measure to have a supportive and loving family (my children opened Christmas presents on my hospital bed instead of immediately under the tree, my husband was a thoughtful and outstanding care-taker, and my mother made sure I didn’t need to lift a finger for the four days she was here.)

My spirit is renewed by the power of love and community, as well as the connectedness and communication brought by social media.  My belief in leadership is stronger than ever.  And this New Year has begun…bringing us all a fresh start, a clean slate, a new chapter to begin writing…

What leadership lessons will you take with you on your journey?  And where is your journey taking you?  I’d love to hear!!

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.

Under The Influence

This article was submitted by Kaity Nakagoshi, on behalf of the University of Notre Dame, in partnership with the University Alliance.  The University of Notre Dame offers an online executive certificate in leadership and management, negotiations, and business administration.  To find out additional information about these higher education opportunities please visit http://www.notredameonline.com/.

What do Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, Vice President Joe Biden, Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, fashion designer Tom Ford, and teeny-bopper sensation Justin Bieber all have in common?  They all made Time’s 100 list of 2011 – it named the “most influential people in the world”.  As this eventful year comes to an end, perhaps it is a great opportunity to reflect on what makes an individual stand out enough to make “the list”.  Is it a polished suit and CEO title? Is it a viral YouTube video or a chart-topping album?  What about a reality show television star or a bunch of rowdy protestors?  Whether or not all those examples made the list is irrelevant.  The truth is that the word influential can be defined in a number of ways, and is based on personal experience.

You see it every day. Sometimes, when you sign in to your Twitter account or turn on the television, there are examples of leadership (both good and bad) staring you right in the face.  Such was the case after the K-Mart “layaway angel” made his generous donation.  Heartwarming stories like this and the “pay it forward” Starbucks drive-thru are unbelievable examples of influential people.  Seeing videos like that not only inspires me to perform a similar act of generosity, but it also instills people with a sense of hope.  Especially during times of low morale and a poor economy, people crave leadership.  It’s comforting to know that random acts of kindness are not extinct, and that leadership does not need fame or fortune to exist.

Social media has certainly helped introduce us to emerging leaders, but let’s pretend for a minute that there is no YouTube, no Twitter, no Facebook, and no news apps for your smart phone.  Without all of those things which we have grown to heavily rely on, is it still possible to discover influential leadership in unlikely places?  Based on my most recent experience in a hospital emergency room, I can answer that question with a solid yes.

Upon my impromptu visit to an emergency room to see a family member, I fully expected to encounter skilled nurses and doctors with a passion for helping the sick and the weak.  What I did not foresee was the incredible compassion and generosity that was dealt my way.  The situation that brought my family together in that emergency room was not the best, but it was also not the worst.  Luckily, no one was hurt, but the emotions were still running high, especially on my end.  A  wonderful male nurse named Chris escorted me to the break room and gave me a bottle of water out of their fridge.  Unfortunately, his shift ended while we were still there.  At this point, we had still had minimal contact with Chris, but as he walked out he reached for my hand, cupped it in his own, and whispered “good luck” to me.

Even amongst chaos, an influential leader made his presence known.  I have never once considered becoming a nurse because I am far too squeamish and germ-a-phobic.  But, Chris made me give that a second thought.  For a second, I actually pictured myself in the same role as Chris, bringing comfort to people during their darkest hours.  Granted, that moment was short lived. I know that I am not strong enough to deal with those situations, but that does not mean I can’t put my strengths to work elsewhere.  I have every intention of sending Chris, and the other nurses that were also kind, a thank you card and homemade cookies.  I realize that caring for patients and their loved ones is part of a nurse’s job, but letting them hang out in the break room is not standard protocol.

I will never forget that experience, so I think it’s safe to say it was an influential one.  Instead of letting Time, Forbes, or any other well-known publication tell us who the top leaders are, we should figure it out on our own.  Leaders are people that make a difference.  They do not have a specific mold, job title, or dress code, and they do not necessarily have to have a Wikipedia page.  All a leader needs to do is impact your life, and that is their legacy.  As we embark upon a new year and a new journey, let’s reflect on leaders that have influenced us in some shape or form.

So, who made your list?

Redefining Power

It’s clearly the Christmas season, because my good friend, Deb Costello keeps giving me these wonderful gifts of her writing to post on my blog!!  In her latest inspirational piece, she challenges us to consider what we are allowing to have power in our lives.  Think about that.  It’s worth your time, and her post is worth the read – and be SURE to click the embedded link to view her video slideshow!  I promise, you’ll end with a smile!!  Leave a comment and let Deb know what you think!

It began like a lot of things do, with a click.  I clicked on a link called “The 45 Most Powerful Images of 2011.”  You’re welcome to look at it yourself.  Sadly, there are few images of goodness or happiness; for the most part they portray the destructive power of nature and acts of human violence, hunger, anger, and death.  When I finished looking at them, I was saddened, deeply troubled, and I thought, are these really the most powerful images we can create in 2011?  Are these the people, the ideas, the events that we have granted power to in this year?

You see, I think we give power.  Power comes from our acceptance of controlling forces.  We believe that there is superior strength, wisdom, or courage in our lives.  A person or event is powerful because we are affected emotionally or physically, and the depth of the power wielded is the direct result of our own willingness to allow it to do so.

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think power is bad.  I just don’t think negatives need be the great power wielders in our lives.  I’d rather give power to something different, something positive.  I have a friend who calls me willfully oblivious.  I try to see people and events in the best possible light, to interpret negatives as honest mistakes, bureaucratic inadequacies, perhaps foolishness. I need bifocals now, but am resistant, honestly too vain to wear them.  When I finally give in, I imagine they will be rose-colored, and I will think they make me look scholarly rather than older.

Anyway, after viewing those pictures, I started thinking, am I crazy?  Maybe I’m the only one who is disturbed by this.  After all, more than 8 million people have viewed those powerful images and 800,000 have liked them on facebook.  So I thought I’d ask my facebook friends to help me gather a different kind of powerful image.  Last Sunday night I posted this:

So many of these pictures are of natural disaster or human violence… Only a few are positive… This saddens me… Take a moment, scroll though your phone and post for me on my page your favorite picture of beauty or joy or happiness… I will start it off… Indulge me, drown me in your favorites… Please…

And I went to bed.  In the morning there were some pictures.  I gathered them together in an album and the next night I asked again.  In the morning there were more.  So I kept going.  Five days later I had 100 beautiful pictures from 50 photographers, pictures of sunsets rather than hurricanes, weddings rather than police actions, couples holding hands, children laughing and dancing, dogs, flowers, and a lovely cup of coffee.

And so I share a selection of them here.  Here are my 45 Powerful Images of 2011.

Some of them are truly spectacular images.  Others have even more power because of the story behind them.  In one wedding photo, the priest is presiding over his own daughter’s wedding. In another the boy whose hand is being touched through the window is in Haiti. The sleeping child is the son of a cancer survivor.  It goes on and on.  These images represent beauty and happiness, joy and laughter, POWER in another person’s life.  More importantly for me, they represent friendship and love.  These men and women gave me their images because they believe with me that the power in our lives is ours to determine.  We can allow the negative to control us or we can embrace the amazing love, beauty, happiness, joy, and hope that literally surround us.

2012.  Your choice.  Your year.  Redefine power.

I list the names of the contributors here in gratitude and ask that you embrace our collective vision in the coming year.  Should you wish to use one of these photos please contact me, and I will put you in touch with the photographer.

Contributors and photographers:  Becky Abraham, Andi Acker, Tara Alemany, Sarah Alexander, Erin Barnett, Jen Baselice, Colleen Costello, Jim Costello, Kristen Costello, Kailey Delisle, Lali DeRosier, Donna Egan, Tom Egan, Linell Ela, Vern Ela, Dawn Ferguson, Bartholomew Franz, Deb Fulscher, Sam Garrett, Kyra Hartog, K. Hill, Laurie Jacobs, Lyndy Komen, Claire Lessard, Kayla Levin, Susan Lilley, Greg Lutz, Tam Marshall, Anne McCarthy, Meghan Michel, Cyndi Parrish, Paula Phillips, Erin Schreyer, Shannon Skarshaug, Susan Smith, Jay Jay Stroup, Sheila Underwood, Michael Vagnini, Jenna Vallario, Karen van Caulil, Laura Vinal, Jamie Vorwald, Peggy Vorwald, Donna Walker, Kenna Ware, Brian Wasserman, Whitney Ellen Photography, Carolyn Wisniewski, John Wisniewski, Dawn Young.

Deborah Costello has been a teacher of high school Mathematics, Psychology and Leadership for more than twenty years.  She currently serves as the Mathematics Department Chair at a small private school in Orlando, Florida.  In the past decade she has worked with colleagues to improve school-wide professional development, increase technology integration, and effectively harness social media.  She has coached Quiz Bowl, swimming, softball, volleyball, and bowling.

Deb also serves as a consultant for the College Board, traveling throughout the United States to train beginning AP Calculus teachers and has been an AP Calculus reader for the past six years.  Recently she has been an occasional blogger for the LeadChange Group.  Her current passions include fund-raising for breast cancer research and coaching women triathletes.

Deb is married and raising two rowdy teenage boys and her rambunctious black lab, Lucy.  Find Deb on Twitter (@costelloland), LinkedIn (http://www.linkedin.com/pub/deb-costello/7/965/3a1), and at her triathlon team website(https://sites.google.com/site/triathlontoday/)

 

Are You REALLY Compassionate?

What an honor it is to have a post today from guest blogger, Deb Costello!  I met Deb on Twitter, and we quickly cemented our friendship while attending Leaderpalooza together.  She is an amazing educator, a generous and kind person and a fellow “instigator” of leadership.  If you’re like me, this post will really challenge you to think and push yourself to become more compassionate.  She makes some excellent points!!  Read on and enjoy….

I grew up in Minnesota, the daughter of hard-working parents.  My father told me many things, but the words that stuck were these:  “Work hard, play hard. That’s all there is.”   That might not seem like a good guide for life, but it serves pretty well a lot of days.  My father was tough on me.  He was tough on himself.  He had high expectations for me.  He had high expectations for himself.  He worked his way to the top by sweeping floors at first.  Eventually he was a big muckity-muck.  Titles didn’t matter much to him.  Hard work mattered.

I ran across a quote from Lou Holtz recently.  “Don’t tell your problems to people.  Eighty percent don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.”  This sounded like my dad.  It got me thinking.  Do I really believe this?  Do people really not care?

If I look around my world, it sometimes seems this way.  There’s bickering everywhere.  Millions are out of work and still there are few if any solutions.  Here in Central Florida there are more children living poverty than anywhere else in the United States.  We depend on construction and tourism, industries that have both suffered mightily in recent years.  And then there is the Occupy Wall Street movement.  The response from many has been, why don’t these people get jobs?

All this got me thinking about compassion.  I really think a lot of people are compassionate.  There are many that offer assistance through their churches, food banks, of other organizations.  They do care!  But somehow, in addition to all this caring is judgment.  We deem some folks worthy of our compassion and assistance and others not so much.  How do we decide that the people who go to the food bank deserve food, but the Occupy Wall Street crowd needs to get to work?  We weep when we see a video of a bullied boy, but sneer that kids in gangs should be in prison.

And then there’s a lot of conversation from folks like my dad. “I pulled myself up by my bootstraps,” or “I worked hard all my life and never asked for anything.”  As my dad jokingly says, “I walked to school in the snow all winter, 3 miles uphill both ways.”  It’s the idea that anyone that hasn’t struggled as hard as we have, hasn’t worked as long as we have, is undeserving of help.

And my response is really?  REALLY?

What is it about you or me or anyone in particular that gets to set the standard for compassion?  What if someone that works way harder than you or me gets to set the standard?  What if I work as hard as I can but don’t meet this standard?  Who gets to decide if I deserve help?   Is there something about me or you or anyone that makes them undeserving of food or warmth or shelter or safety?  Is there something that makes an individual unworthy of an education or healthcare?

So you’re wondering, what do I want?  I want compassion, genuine compassion.    

What do I mean?  Compassion is sympathetic pity and concern for the suffering of others.  In essence we feel bad about someone else’s situation. That bad feeling prompts us to do something to change the situation. We offer to help.  We donate food or money or toys or time.  And this is good, for us and for others.  Compassion is a good thing.  But I want more.

You see, in order to activate compassion, we seem to need to know the gory details of the situation.  We must understand the “why” of the need.  The sad story prompts our response.  And the problem is, sometimes we can’t know the story behind the need.  We don’t get a YouTube video or a “60 Minutes” story on every person in need.  People shouldn’t be forced to beg.  Must we hear the details of their need in order to respond?  Begging is humiliating.  Must we bear witness to humiliation in order to offer help?  How is this compassionate?

So I’m asking you to feel compassion, to truly love your neighbor, and to give, not because you know every back story and you’re 100% sure that every dollar or canned good or minute of your time is going to someone who “deserves” it.  I’m asking you to help your neighbors and the local food bank and Toys for Tots and your church group and all the other groups and causes and people that ask because you can. Period.  No strings. No judgment.  Help all you can.  Give all you can.  Love all you can. Because there’s one thing I know about most people who ask for help.  They are saddened, they are ashamed, they are humiliated because they cannot do for themselves.  And they desperately wish they could do what you and I can do…  feel compassion and help someone in need.

And oh yeah… for all you naysayers out there, let me say this: It is possible that your help, your dollars, your time will go to someone who is “undeserving.” So what. You diversified your giving.  Sometimes investments don’t pay off.  The rest did, and frankly, it is far more likely that if you actually knew the story, you would be compelled to do, to give even more. In the end, it is not for us to judge the worthiness of another.  It is for us to love each other, to lift each other up in kindness and compassion, for this is the great gift of humanity.

I think about my father’s words and with a small addition, pass them on as a guide for my own children.

Work hard, play hard, love hard. That’s all there is.

Deborah Costello has been a teacher of high school Mathematics, Psychology and Leadership for more than twenty years.  She currently serves as the Mathematics Department Chair at a small private school in Orlando, Florida.  In the past decade she has worked with colleagues to improve school-wide professional development, increase technology integration, and effectively harness social media.  She has coached Quiz Bowl, swimming, softball, volleyball, and bowling.

Deb also serves as a consultant for the College Board, traveling throughout the United States to train beginning AP Calculus teachers and has been an AP Calculus reader for the past six years.  Recently she has been an occasional blogger for the LeadChange Group.  Her current passions include fund-raising for breast cancer research and coaching women triathletes.

Deb is married and raising two rowdy teenage boys and her rambunctious black lab, Lucy.  Find Deb on Twitter (@costelloland), LinkedIn (http://www.linkedin.com/pub/deb-costello/7/965/3a1), and at her triathlon team website (https://sites.google.com/site/triathlontoday/)

It’s Up to Us to Teach Our Kids to Lead!

There’s a very powerful video on YouTube, featuring a kid named Jonah.  This video is going viral, stirring quite a reaction in people.

I’m one of them.  I haven’t stopped thinking about Jonah since I viewed the video this morning.

I’m a mother of two kids; one boy and one girl.  I want the best for them, and I don’t mean material best.  I’m referring to happiness in life.  I want that more than anything for them.

I want them to know who they are and to be proud of that.  I want them to feel good about their efforts, even if it doesn’t win them first place.  I want them to follow their passions and to feel exhilarated – not ashamed – of the journey!  I want them to know what it feels like to be flawed and yet fully loved by family and friends, and I equally want them to know the joy of sacrificing for others.

I want to give them the best odds for success in life, and so I teach them about leadership. And doing what’s right. And faith.  And service.  And kindness.

But sometimes I feel like I’m in the minority.  Bigtime.  And my kids feel it sometimes too.

You see, I watched this video and I thought about how many campaigns I’ve seen against bullying.  I’ve seen the commercials, the celebrities speaking out, the “how to spot the signs” education for parents.  It’s all good and important and worth your time…but…

What’s missing?

How many parents, coaches, pastors, youth workers, counselors will watch this video and talk to their kids about their words and actions?  Everyone’s worried about “what if it happens to me or someone in my family?”  We’re all playing defense.

Does it occur to adults that someone’s kid is doing the bullying?  And it might be yours or a kid you know?  (And you can help stop it!)

How many adults will talk to their children about the power of words?  Do you discuss the negative impact of name-calling, teasing, ostracizing and laughing at others’ expense?  Do you explain that it can be hard to bounce back and that sometimes those effects can cause kids to cry, get depressed or, God forbid, take their own lives.  Do you describe the weight of the guilt they could feel, or the school and legal ramifications they could face if something harmful should result?  It’s a reality these days, and kids need to know that their bullying can have major consequences.

I don’t see it happening.  And it needs to change.

I was told recently by someone in my own neighborhood that I “just need to understand children – especially boys.  They look for the weakest one, and they go after him.  It’s just how kids are.”

You know what?  I don’t buy it.  I don’t believe that babies come out of the womb with a survival of the fittest instinct.  Our ability to think, to process information, to have feelings and emotions, to rationalize – - that’s what separates us from animals.  So, I’m not accepting this.  Not for second.

We live in a competitive world.  I get that.

I see parents pushing their kids to be the best at everything they do.  I see them holding their kids back to be bigger and better in sports.  I see the trainers and tutors being hired; not because their kids need help, but because they’re being pushed to be in the “elite.”  I see kids totally stressed out and not having a clue what “downtime” or imaginative free play or a neighborhood pick-up game is like.  (Those, by the way, are my best memories of my childhood!)

Parents are pushing their kids hard and fast.  But where is the push for character, integrity and values?

I keep laughing that I’m the “crazy lady” who is screaming as my kids run out the door.  I yell be kind, thoughtful and encouraging!  Our house rule is that if what you’re about to say or do can’t fall into one of those three buckets, it’s not worth saying or doing.  Of course, they’re kids, and they’re not perfect, but I figure if I keep trying and repeating, it will sink in.

In addition, this is also posted on our refrigerator.

We have an opportunity – NO, it’s a responsibility – as parents and as adults.

It’s up to us to teach our children.  To guide them, and to show them what being a great leader looks like…and it’s not about domination, degradation and defiance.

Leadership is about value  -  you acknowledging and engaging the value in others, and them willingly following you for the value you bring to them.  At any age, and in any position in life – this is leadership.

We are all different.  We all have value.  We are all needed for what we bring to the table, and we CANNOT all be alike.  Diversity is what makes life beautiful.  Diversity is what makes companies smarter and more successful.  It takes all of us to succeed and to make life work.

Who is willing to teach their kids this lesson?  Who is willing to love their children, even if they choose not to be “perfect” in your eyes?  Who is willing to demonstrate love and acceptance and ask that their children follow their lead?  Who would be willing to apply ramifications for anything otherwise?

I will.  Will you stand with me in the hopes to make a change?  Our kids and our next generation of leaders is depending on us.

Today, we are the ones with the power to influence and to set the example.  It’s up to us, and so I ask you…will you take this on with me?  Will you fight for the lives of all of our children?  Will you fight for what’s right?  Because, we live in a competitive world, and it will take all of us…

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.

Connection: You Need it Just As Much As Your Cell Phone Does

In just a few days, it will be my firstborn child’s eighth birthday.  I still vividly remember our first “meeting.”

Within minutes of being born, the nurse handed me my son with the instruction to hold him skin-to-skin on my chest.  Instant love – and human connection – began with this little person.  As his mother, I satisfied his very first need in life, and his cries quickly quieted.

Connection is a basic human need.  We all need it at some level; nobody is exempt, and we never outgrow the need for it.

If you think “I can do it all by myself,” you may be able to limp across the finish line, but you’ll never truly thrive or give your very best performance without being connected to others.  Somewhere along the way, you would have benefitted from the love, support, encouragement or advice from another….or you could have been the giver of these to someone else (which is just as energizing, by the way!)

In business, we often hear executives complain that it can be “lonely at the top.”  Not necessarily, wrote Monica Diaz in her blog post.  That is, unless you’ve built a pyramid to get you there, instead of engaging and valuing your people.

As people, we were all (regardless of our job titles, positions or experiences) created to be in community.  We need that human connection and encouragement.  I believe it’s part of our design, and as such, it’s a necessary component for us to become the best version of ourselves.

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.  And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another… (Hebrews 10:24-25)

Can you imagine how things might improve if we connected to others regularly with the intent to encourage each other?

As a leader, you should encourage people by specifically calling out their strengths and identifying opportunities where those strengths can be further leveraged.  You should be working with people to set a vision that is challenging and rewarding, instilling hope and encouragement along the way.  You should be building confidence and teams, cheering and celebrating milestones and successes.

A manager early in my career once gave me this advice: when you’re trying to accomplish a goal, get people in the boat with you.  If you fail, they’ll understand clearly why, because they were part of it.  If you win, the party at the end is always better!

All of these things require an investment in people.  They require your time, your heart and your personal connection.

What would happen if you stepped away from your computer, cell phone or spreadsheet to deepen your connection with the people around you?  What if all of your team members made a commitment to behave like a true community and encourage each other regularly?  What if these behaviors spilled over into your personal life?  Would anything be different?

If you want your future to look any different than it does today, then now is the time to act.  Today is the day to start working toward your vision.  Consider the benefits of strengthening your connections.  Consider how much more a team could accomplish than the efforts of just one.  Consider how rewarding it might be to help someone with a basic life-sustaining need.  You could be just the leader to do it.  Go connect and see what happens!

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.

What Influences Your Leadership?

One of John Maxwell’s more famous quotes is “Leadership is influence. Nothing more, nothing less.”

I agree with this philosophy.  Influence causes people to willingly follow you; not because they have to, but because they choose to.  Influence sways people.  It impacts them, possibly even enough to change a belief or a behavior.  A strong influencer can gain much power, and an ethical influencer will gain people’s trust as well.

But I wonder how many leaders are also looking inward?  As you’re busy trying to build and extend your influence outwardly, how much attention do you pay to what’s influencing you inwardly? 

I believe it’s important to understand, and to be intentional about, what builds into your beliefs, opinions, values, thoughts and behaviors.  It’s those things and people that you surround yourself with – your environment – that ultimately seep into who you are and what you become.  These are your influencers, and you need to make good choices with them if you intend to get closer to your goals.

I’d like to suggest that you take some time to consider who and what is influencing you.  Are those things challenging you develop and grow?  Are they bringing you closer to a goal?  Are they helping you to become a better leader or person?  Are there things or people you are letting “in” that you shouldn’t?  Are there things or people you are shutting out that could help you improve?

Basic journalism teaches us to investigate and bring out the details of a story by asking the “5 Ws and How.”  It could be beneficial to apply them here too, as you challenge yourself in this discovery.

WHO – Who do you admire most and why?  Are you spending time with them?  Have you asked them to help you develop the skills you admire about them?  Are there people you associate with regularly who aren’t in alignment with your values?  Do you seek different viewpoints from people who have different backgrounds and experiences, but who share your same values?  Find those people who will sharpen you like iron sharpening iron.

WHAT -  What are you reading, watching and listening to?  How are they helping you to grow or achieve?  What gaps have you identified between where you are and where you want to be, and what will help you close the gaps?  What things distract you from meeting or advancing toward your goals?  What affects  your mood, energy level and creative vision?  Understand what makes a difference for you.

WHEN -  When are you most productive throughout the day, and are you using your time wisely during that period?  When do you rejuvenate and are you allowing yourself the time to do so?  When is it easiest for you to lose focus of your goals and how can you keep yourself on target?  When do you feel drained and can you minimize those times?  Manage your time wisely and effectively.

WHERE -  Where do you need to be to get your best work done?  Where are you most likely to get distracted from doing the tasks that need to be completed?  Where in a current project would you benefit from leveraging the expertise of someone else?  Where would you like to be five years from now and what tools, resources and people will help or hurt you from getting there?

WHY – What’s your why?  What drives you to become better and who will support that?  And who won’t?  Your values and beliefs carry your why.  They fuel your purpose.  Be clear on your purpose and communicate it to others for buy-in.  If you’re not clear or passionate about your why, you can kiss your own influence goodbye!

HOW – How will you accomplish your goals?  What does your plan look like and who will be a supporter or an obstacle?  How can you further develop and grow as a leader?  How will you manage your plan?  How will you remain accountable to your plan?  Who and what tools can help you?

Go ahead.  Really think about each of these questions.  Consider what people, tools and resources are positive influences, as well as what takes you further away from your goals.

Keep in mind that you want to increase your own influence as leader.  You’ll be most effective when you become clear on these questions and you build a support system for your success.  And don’t forget, sometimes the best solution could be letting go of something or someone, too.  It might be hard at first, but it will be worth it in the end.  You’ll find you can move much faster without someone or something holding you back.

Now is a great time to begin this process.  Be ready for 2012.  Identify exactly what will help you to meet your goals and surround yourself with those influences.  Immerse yourself, and I can promise you’ll see results!!

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.

Who is Your Fanbassador?

My family and I are hosting an Ice Cream Social later this afternoon.  We’re going to share our very favorite, hometown ice cream with more than 50 friends in our new community.

Graeter’s ice cream is widely known – and loved – throughout the Midwest.  Even Oprah endorsed it as “the best ice cream I’ve ever tasted.”

Recognizing their loyal following, the family-owned company is leveraging their fan-base to help soften and ultimately open new and larger markets across the country.  Their strategy is brilliant and closely related to an approach I often use to coach clients.

Graeter’s is leveraging Sponsors.

On their Facebook page about a month ago, Graeter’s announced that they were looking for fans in several specific markets.  Their shout-out called for people to step up as “Fanbassadors;” people within those markets willing to host others for the sole purpose of introducing them to Graeter’s famous ice cream.

I am a native-Cincinnatian, and I jumped at this chance to put our name (and taste) on the line and to bring something we love to our new home city.  Luckily, we were selected, and we received a Fanbassador package in the mail with coupons, balloons, stickers and more.  And we feel privileged by this honor, because we know people will discover something new to love!

Graeter’s could have just as easily – or possibly more easily – hired a market research company to investigate these new markets.  They could have studies trends, demographics, competition and more.  I’m sure they are doing these things, too…but what I love is that they’re asking and leveraging the people who love them the most to prepare the market for them; to help sponsor their success.  There’s no better endorsement!

They know our passion will come through.  In fact, Graeter’s gave us five free pints to throw this introduction party.  I bought another eighteen pints on my own, because we’re so excited to invite my children’s classmates!  We’ve got skin in the game.  We’re willing to risk our reputation on something we believe in.

Why? Because, we want a Graeter’s ice cream shop here!  We believe it will add value to our neighborhood.  It’s not just about us – it’s about a greater good; what’s good for the area (and an old-fashioned ice cream shop with homemade chocolate is a good thing!)  It supports family, tradition, quality ingredients and simple charm.

Sponsors are willing to attach their name to you.  They take actions to help you successfully progress in your career.  They know that doing so will help the organization overall, and so they leverage their position, contacts and knowledge to help you grow.  A sponsor is your Fanbassador, and they should help you open new doors.

Consider where you want to go next in your career.  What does that look like and who would be willing to help you get there?  Studies show that Sponsorship can increase your ability to get there.  Who would be willing to buy eighteen extra pints for you?  Ask them specifically to sponsor you (as opposed to, or in addition to mentoring you!)  Someone this excited about you will surely help you get there!!  (And Graeter’s, we can’t wait to be at your Grand Opening in Dallas!) :-)

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and is a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.

Word Up for 2012!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s almost the end of October, and most of my clients are in planning phases for next year.  They’re determining strategies, developing budgets and considering necessary organizational changes.

I, too, challenge myself to think about how I want to grow personally, professionally, spiritually and as a mother, wife and friend.

There’s been one simple thing I have done for the past few years that I’ve really enjoyed.  I have selected one word to focus on for the year.  This word, in essence, becomes a theme for me.  I give it a level of importance and priority, and I work hard to synchronize my thoughts and actions to it.

It’s just one word.  But the power of a word can be amazing.

“Used correctly and positively, words are the first building blocks for success and inner peace…”

This quote was written by Kevin Hall in his book, Aspire.  If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend it – it’s one of the best books on my shelf.  In it, Hall explains the power of words and how we can use words to become more purposeful in life and business.  He’s right on.

In 2010, my word was “intentional.”  My focus on this word forced me to be more planful with my time; keeping it consistent with my priorities.  It made me stop and think before communicating; trying to ensure that any message could be received the way I intended.  I paused so much that year, wondering do I really want to that? before taking next steps.  Talk about the power of a word!

This year, my word was “connection.”  I’m a true extravert by definition; I’m energized by being around people.  They are my fuel, and I acknowledge this as an important part of who I am.

Because of this, I wanted to challenge myself to better understand how, with whom, why, how deeply and how effectively I am connecting with others.  Are my connections in alignment with my values and goals, and if not, what do I need to change?  Again, powerful learning for me!!

I haven’t chosen my word for 2012 yet.  I’m still thinking about what would provide the best challenge and reward for me.  I’ll keep you posted, though…and don’t be afraid to ask me about it as we near year-end!!  Hold me accountable!!

What about you?  What word could make a difference in your life, career or business?  What would happen if you focused your energy around just one word – one really powerful word?  I’d love to hear your thoughts, ideas and plans…

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and is a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.

Seek and You Shall Find…Is that Positive or Negative?

Take one quick scan of media headlines.  What do you see?  An onslaught of negativity.

Check out all the social media.  You’ll find a lot of complaining, finger-pointing and bashing there too.

 

 

Doesn’t anyone believe in the power of positive reinforcement anymore???

 

 

Over the weekend, I posted the following to my Facebook and Twitter feeds:

Seek negativity and negativity you shall find. Seek an argument; you’ll find that too. Seek, instead, to add value, create solutions and be a peacemaker — with the same amount of energy, you’ll find your rewards are so much greater!!

I want to encourage people to remember that positive reinforcement works…and frankly, it’s more fun too!!  It truly comes down to human nature; we all crave acceptance and encouragement at the most basic level.  People will repeat behaviors when they equate those behaviors with success.

Sure, you can hammer on people.  You can argue and punish.  You can point out flaws…or you can take that same energy and discover strengths, encourage positive behavior and empower people to contribute their best.  The first approach diminishes people, confidence and innovation.  The latter approach allows for people and workplaces to flourish.

Don’t just take my word for it, either.  Let me introduce you to a few folks who I have come to know and respect for their positive approaches.  I am pleased to shine a spotlight on their good work!

Roy Saunderson and S. Max Brown lead Rideau’s Recognition Management Institute.  Check out their radio show too!!  You’ll hear story after story from well-respected businesspeople, authors and experts who have found positive ways to make a difference in their spheres of influence.

Sonia DiMaulo leads Harvest Performance and is an expert in the power of positive feedback.  Check out her workshops, speaking engagements and Twitter stream for great ideas.  She can even share her thoughts in several different languages!!

Jane Perdue encourages people to “Get Your BIG On!” by touching people at the heart, in addition to their business minds.  She sees clearly the power that can happen at that beautiful intersection.

Lastly, subscribe to Shawn Murphy’s blog at Achieved Strategies.  Shawn gets how leadership is changing, and how it can truly transform people and an organization – if only you take the time to consider the human element.

I hope you find these experts and resources helpful.  I know I have.  I look for these folks in my social media stream.  I learn from them, enjoy conversing with them, and now consider them friends.  I’ll bet you will too…and you’ll likely be inspired as well!

By the way, all of these folks belong to a leadership community known as Lead Change Group.  I’m part of that same crew too, and we’re all focused on doing leadership a little differently – in a way that values, engages and appreciates people.  Won’t you join us?

Now, since it’s only Monday, go ahead and challenge yourself for the rest of the week.  Focus on the positive.  Speak kind, thoughtful, encouraging words.  Offer solutions.  Add value.  Keep the negative OUT…and let me know what happens!!

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and is a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.

Do Your Actions Support Your Values?

I dropped my daughter off at elementary school the other morning and had to do a double-take on a mother who was just coming out of the school.  What made me look twice was her outfit.

She wore a very fitted designer t-shirt (huge logo on the front.)  That wasn’t so bad…except that the length of her shirt exposed her entire mid-section.  Combined with her low-rise jeans, she was exposing quite a bit of skin…to drop her children off at school.

I wondered immediately, what message is she trying to send?  Is it about designer fashion?  Fitness or weight?  Wanting to be desired or praised by others?

I thought about her children, and I wondered if she thought of them when she got dressed.

I bet she doesn’t want them to get their confidence from wearing certain labels or from having a specific appearance, I thought.  As a mother, I have to believe she wants more for them.  I have to believe she wants them to be authentic and to be liked and valued for who they are; not what they look like or wear.

But weren’t her actions speaking louder? And weren’t they sending a conflicting message?  How will her children understand what’s truly important?

Does this ever happen to you?  Are your behaviors in alignment with your values?

Whether we are leaders in our homes or leaders in an organizational setting, we have to model behavior that is consistent with our values.

People may doubt what you say, but they will believe what you do.  ~Lewis Cass

Actions do, in fact, speak louder than words.  People see what you do, and if it doesn’t align with what you’ve said, then you’ve immediately lost their trust, their admiration, and their willingness to follow.  And worst yet, your words have lost their meaning and value.

What effect would that have on your company?  Your team?  Your family?

As we lead, we must consider our priorities, beliefs and values.  They cannot be swept under the rug.  They must be lived.

What values does your company profess?  Putting clients first?  Treating fellow employees with respect?  Being thrifty with spending?

What values do you uphold as a family?  Kindness to others?  Integrity?  Always doing what’s right?

Take a few moments and think about your actions over the last week.  Are you living out what you claim to hold important?  It’s a tough question we should all challenge ourselves with.  We are, after all, human.  We can, so often, get distracted or derailed.  What’s important, though, is that we recognize it, and then we commit to making the necessary changes to bring us back to the best of who we are.

Support what you say.  Model your values.  Let your actions do the speaking, because they’re what people hear anyway.

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and is a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.