My family and I went out for frozen yogurt the other day, and I was appalled by the behavior of a grown woman who was also there with her family. This yogurt establishment was kind enough to have small paper cups by each yogurt flavor. The generous intent, of course, is for patrons to be able to taste the flavor, ensuring they’ll love their yogurt selection before filling their regular-sized serving cup with it.
We watched from our table as one woman went back to the same yogurt machine more than a dozen times with her “tasting cup.” She would fill the cup, stacking the yogurt as high as it could stand, immediately put her mouth over it before it toppled over, take two more bites from the remainder of her cup, and then go back to the same machine for more.
This is stealing, was all I could think.
She didn’t need to, either. She was clearly financially able to pay for it. In fact, her husband and children had tasted and purchased yogurt. Not her, though. She just kept going back. Again and again with her paper cup. Each time, enjoying her yogurt, and each time, making me more and more uncomfortable.
This is a small business. In a competitive market. In a tough economy. And you are STEALING from them. What you are doing is WRONG, I wanted to shout!!
My husband and I used it as a learning opportunity to teach our kids the difference between right and wrong, and then we quickly left. I couldn’t watch it any longer. (I did discreetly notify the owner on our way out, though. I felt it was the right thing to do.)
Then I started wondering…how many times are people really stealing when they don’t feel like they are? How many times do we just take, when we should be giving something in return as well?
Do you give your best at work every day? Do you perform like the person you sold them on in your interview? Because that’s what you said you would do. That’s what you’re being paid to do. Are you taking money for a service you promised, but not delivering to the extent of your word?
What about at home? Do you take things from your spouse without showing appreciation? Are your children giving you unconditional love without you paying them enough attention back? What else do you happily receive, without thinking about how you can give back?
Are there areas in our life where we’re just plain stealing, without giving the proper reimbursement that is due?
On this Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to think about this. Consider where you can give more than you receive, because at the end of the day, everything comes at a cost. Don’t try to steal it. In the end, the price could be so much more costly than you’d ever want.
Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker. Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.
This is a lovely post… I have always said, it’s the little ethical decisions that are hard. Most people aren’t going to rob a bank, but lots of people make those little ethical lapses… Taking the extra change from a cashier’s mistake, taking credit for someone else’s idea, taking an extra cookie at lunch so that someone else misses out. We justify it by saying it’s small and unimportant. But we should be asking, why would we compromise our ethics for something so small? You only get to compromise your ethics once and then trust is lost. Why not do what’s right every time we can? In then end, it’s just as you say. We can be givers or takers… Here’s to being a giver.
I love your question: why would we compromise our ethics for something so small? Such a big question that we should ask before we make those little blunders!! As always, you add great value with your comments, Deb! Thank you for that!
Insightful post Erin. Although, I’d like to believe I’d never do such a thing as this woman, your post left me wondering about what I might take from my husband without demonstrating my appreciation. The longer you are married the easier it is to take your spouse for granted. Not that I intentionally do this of course, it’s just that sometimes I forget to tell him how much I appreciate him. Thanks for the reminder. I am going to make sure that he knows how much I appreciate him on this lovely Valentine’s day.
What you say is SO true, Angela. It’s the people we love most that are often taken for granted, aren’t they? I take my own reminder as well and look forward to showing my hubby some extra appreciation today too!! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Erin, Thank you for a very insightful post. I particularly appreciate your comments about how theft occurs in marriage and at work. I also appreciate that you used this as an opportunity to discuss the issue with your children. I am sure they will be much stronger for it.
It is so easy to think we are ethical when there are little areas of our lives in which we take something without realizing that it crosses the line. Unfortunately, it is so much easier to see it in someone else.
Thanks, Lyn! I appreciate your comment and encouragement. Indeed, it’s always more challenging to see these things in ourselves. I enjoy challenging myself with questions and really thinking about what I’m doing with my life. There’s always room for improvement!
Thought provoking article, I love it! While technically she wasn’t stealing, she was taking advantage of the situation. Normally, a free sample is a win win situation. The customer gets to find something they like and have less of a chance of buyers remorse. The owner gets happier clients and I think the good will of free yogurt.
The person in this story was creating a win lose situation. While she got an advantage in this situation, that approach on life will create a substantial more amount of losses. It impacts relationships, work, friendships, family and really everything.
People rationalize this in a lot of different ways but at the end of the day it comes down to your moral compass. What I liked, is you used this opportunity to teach your kids a valuable lesson on taking advantage of situations or people. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for the comment, Mike. I agree – win/lose only creates more loss. It’s a great point you make!
Great food for thought! Love how you applied the more obvious example to the less obvious domains in our life in which we make choices every day about giving and taking. You remind us that no matter the context the same ethical standards apply!
You also have me thinking about the big difference between taking and receiving. I wonder for those who have trouble receiving if part of what is in the way is that in their mind they are the same thing.
Susan, I love the new direction you’re leading us – the difference between taking and receiving. There’s a huge difference, but do we always see it? Such an awesome question to ponder, and especially consider what value we’re not getting from the giver if we don’t receive. Something important to think about!!
Erin,
Excellent insights.
Galatians 6:7 is clear, “Be not deceived for God is not mocked. Whatsoever a man sows he will most assuredly reap”. His promises apply to all areas of our life and the ironclad law of sowing and reaping applies equally.
Our challenge as leaders is to apply this mindset to each area of our life (home, family, personal development, work, etc.). If we give less than our best it should come as no surprise when the result is second rate. The challenge for we as humans is that seeing the long term benefit of an immediate action is often trumped by the desire for ‘immediate gratification’. This is where Faith comes in. It takes Faith and patience to sow seeds today that won’t bring a harvest for days, weeks, months or years. Doing the ‘right’ thing, though, always has it’s rewards. The opposite is also true.
All my best
Mark
Mark, thanks for your comment. As always, you add much value to the discussion!! Oh, that balance between long-term benefit and short-term satisfaction — that’s SO hard, isn’t it? And, we’re so human!! I agree, this makes the element of faith critical!
Excellent points, Erin… on all fronts, home and business. In a give-and-take relationship, we need to ensure it is balanced, with more emphasis on the “give” side of the equation. Great reminder. Thanks! Jon
Recently we opened up our home to house parents of a sick infant at Children’s Hospital from out of town, who came in on a whirlwind emergency to Cincinnati with no room at the Ronald McDonald house. I was surprised as others commented that I was “doing a good thing”, and “wow, i can’t believe you are doing that, how long are they staying?”. I felt a bit uncomfortable by the comments because I didn’t feel i did anything special for them, I didn’t go out of my way, I didn’t bother them as they stayed in my home, and I certainly didn’t expect anything out of this, after all, they were complete strangers (I met the baby’s Daddy once at my sister’s wedding when he was a child, as he is a nephew to my brother in law). I learned a big lesson however in all of this. As the Mom texted me regular updates on her baby’s ups and downs, I clung to my phone to embrace every update. The easy part was having their presence at our house, the hard part was getting emotionally attached to a baby that I’ve never met, and can’t help but love blindly! I couldn’t wait to meet him and hold him. Finally, an invite to the NICU to visit him, and moments before I arrive, he stopped breathing while his Mom held him for the first time since his birth Jan 1, 2012. This required an entire floor of hospital respiratory therapists and doctors to do an emergency intubation as they swiftly gave him paralytic drugs to sedate him and stabilize him. I receive this text in the lobby, and when the Mom came downstairs, I embraced her and said, “I should go”. She replied, shaking, “no, I need you here, I have noone else”. Moments later, I walked into his room and saw the most beautiful yet motionless, baby boy I have ever seen! It took my breath away to see Mom touch and talk to him as she has done 24/7 for weeks, and continues to do today, while awaiting for baby’s first smile to be returned to her! I realized that while “giving is only giving when not expecting anything in return”, I have found friendship and love with 2 strangers and their baby that I would never have had if not for being open to give to a stranger. The reaction from others that didn’t quite “understand” why we would add more complexity to our hectic household reminds me of Faith. Somehow we just knew to follow blindly and give what we thought would be what a stranger needed, and we ended up following a path that led us to new friendship and love! Thanks for your inspiring blogs Erin!! You are taking the negative out my world!!!
Michelle, I am crying as I read your story. It’s wonderful for you to give this family the gift of shelter and support. It’s sad how people react to kindness these days, isn’t it? We have grown to be a country of entitled people; everything believing they “deserve” something and should therefore get it. This family has so many needs and you are meeting one of their most basic, yet essential. You are a giver, and not just of a bed, but you are fueling life for this family. Thank you for being bold with your kindness and servanthood!! You’re a great example to many!!
I know you don’t expect anything in return, Michelle, but I have a feeling you have already gotten more than you expected. Your bond with this family will grow, and I’ll just bet you become someone special to their little one. I think you already are.
Thank you for sharing your story and for proving that there are wonderful givers out there!! You will inspire many!
Thanks for pushing us to think, Erin. As I read, I wanted to scream at this lady. Then, graciously but directly, you caused me to ask the tough questions of my own life and work. I literally examined every major role in my life for a few minutes after reading this post. Thanks for “live it forward” challenge!
Awesome, Kent! I write these blog posts, and I read them back to myself with the same challenges pointed at me!!