Just as the Sun Rises, so Truth Remains.

Since my move to Dallas about nine months ago, I’ve had much time to think about leadership, life and legacy.  As I knew would happen, I’ve been challenged, stretched and have grown.  I’ve had more time to reflect and ponder my life, my past and my future.  I’ve had to strengthen and rely more on faith, and I’ve gained perspective I wouldn’t have otherwise gotten had I remained in my hometown of Cincinnati.

Although I miss my family, friends and all Cincinnati has to offer, I’m grateful for “lessons learned.”  That’s the payoff for change and discomfort – life lessons.  As an avid learner, these lessons are meaningful to me.  And…(and it’s a big one)…these lessons help me to be a better person.

To me, this is what life is all about: being a better person…becoming the best person you can be…and having the most positive impact you can on the people and happenings around you.

Possibly the greatest point I’ve learned through this life change is that although Cincinnati and Dallas are very different, there are truths in life that always remain constant.  These are the truths we can all hold on to and know that as life changes, these don’t.  These are the truths that have provided comfort, ah-hah moments and grounding when I needed it.  These are the truths that will continue to stretch me and always keep me growing in the right direction…to be my best, and to give my best.

What other truths have you learned in your life and career?  What would you add to the list?

Leadership:

• Be courageous enough to lead authentically.  You’ll naturally attract like-minded people who will enthusiastically join your mission.
• Care about your people first, results second. Do the first, and they’ll work to bring you the second.
• Be prepared and knowledgeable as a leader.  Charisma and like-ability will only get you so far.
• Strengths matter. Know yours and leverage them.  Help others to enhance their strengths and empower them to fill in the gaps of your own weaknesses.  Team up to help everyone succeed more.
• Great leaders are also servants to their people.  It’s NOT about you, so kick your ego to the curb!

Life:

• Faith matters and is worth the investment to strengthen it.  It can hold you up when nothing and nobody else can.
• Family is forever, even when you no longer live together, but love should be a forever constant.
• Friends are “chosen family” – a true gift that should be treasured.
• You can have lots of acquaintances, but be discerning with your “inner circle” of friends, who should share your same values and lovingly hold you accountable to them.
• Grudges are never worth it, nor is the negative energy you waste on them.
• Money is needed for survival, but it’s not a requirement for happiness, nor does it guarantee happiness.  Never allow the pursuit of money to trump important relationships in your life – it’s too high of a cost, and money can’t buy them back.
• Maturity and logic need to trump emotion sometimes.  Your heart may not always be as smart as your brain. There’s a healthy balance to be found, and it’s called Emotional Intelligence. Get smart about it.
• Sleep, diet and exercise matter.

 

Legacy:

• With every meeting and every conversation, you have an opportunity to make a difference in someone else’s life.
• Optimism and positivity are contagious.  So is a smile.
• Kids learn from everything you say and do.  Be a role model for them.
• If you’re fortunate in any way, share your blessing with others.  Be generous. Volunteer.  Give back.  You’ll be glad you did.
• Your greatest investment will always be in people.  Spend more time on this investment strategy than any other.
• Be kind, thoughtful and encouraging.  Always.  There’s never a reason to be anything else to another human.

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life. 

Unless You Lead…

Dr. Seuss' The Lorax

This weekend, I took my kids to see the new Dr. Seuss movie, The Lorax.  The show is colorful, musical and intentional with its message of preserving Earth’s resources (and not allowing greed to get the best of us.)

Since seeing it, I keep thinking about the Lorax’s use of a single, powerful word: UNLESS.

Most of us typically think about what –if…  We can let our imagination and dreams run wild with what-if scenarios.  These times can fuel our creativity and help us to innovate, challenge ourselves and even better prepare for what may lie ahead.

What-if thinking can help us ponder so many possibilities.

It’s interesting, though, to consider a different perspective.  The Lorax’s challenge: unless.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better.  It’s just not.” ~ The Lorax

In addition to dreaming about the what-if we do scenarios, should we also be thinking about the consequences of what if we don’t?

What if we don’t do what’s right?  What if we don’t do our best?  What if we don’t help others?  What if we don’t care?  What if we don’t stand up and lead?

What if nothing gets better UNLESS you do something?  What if YOU are the catalyst for positive change?  What price does your company, your co-workers or your family pay until you do something?

Is it worth it?

I want to challenge you today to fill in this blank with a situation or relationship that you want to see improved…

Unless I care…unless I lead…unless I take that first step, (fill in the blank) may not change for the better.

I may not be The Lorax, and I may not speak for the trees, but I’ll speak for the leaders of this world, and I believe you are one of them.

Will you care a whole awful lot?  … Because I think you can make things better.  I think you can hit the spot!

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life. 

Don’t Let Your Strength Be Stolen

Something happened this week that I naively thought wasn’t very likely.  During the middle of the night, while my family and I slept, someone entered our home and robbed us.

I feel violated.

I’ve had so many emotions running through me this week.  I suppose that’s natural, and I should give myself a little grace.  I’m definitely a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” kind of person, but this was shocking and scary… and downright creepy.

A stranger was in our home.  Uninvited.  Unwanted.

As I’ve had a few days to process this, I’ve decided that although I feel somewhat helpless and powerless, in reality, I do still have a choice and some control in how I react to these events.

This is life, right?  Granted, it’s an ugly part of life in our world today, but bad and unexpected things happen sometimes.  And we just can’t let them keep us down.  We can’t let them change us forever; not in a way that detracts from enjoying the fullness of life, anyway.  Life was meant to be enjoyed, after all.  I believe that’s how it’s supposed to be.  It’s how God intended.

So, I have a choice to make.

I can live in fear.  I can lose sleep.  I can become paranoid.  I can continue to take my safety for granted….or…

I can celebrate that my family is safe and unharmed.  I can expand my faith and be grateful to God for keeping us under His watchful eye.  I can be proactive – and much smarter – about protecting my home, my family and our safety in the future.  I can communicate to our local friends and create a more robust neighborhood watch.

I can, and I have.  I have already done all of these things.  I’m determined to make changes, and I’m ready to make a difference in my community too.  I will persevere, and I will be stronger because of this.

That’s one thing I refuse to let this robber take. He may be able to get away with taking some of my things, but I will not let him take part of me.  I am still me, and I’m no less passionate, creative or driven to make a difference because of what happened.  I am the same leader today that I was earlier in the week.

If I let him take part of me, then he wins.  Evil prevails.  And that’s just not the way I like stories to end.

I’m a sucker for a happy ending…and guess what?  This is MY life, so I get to write the story.  I get to determine how this ends.

And in my story, love wins.  Faith wins.  Community wins.  Strength wins.

Enjoy my electronics, thief, that’s all you’re getting from me!

What about for you?  Has anything totally unexpected or shocking ever happened to you?  How did you persevere?  How did you keep your strength?

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life. 

Are You Giving or Taking…or Stealing?

My family and I went out for frozen yogurt the other day, and I was appalled by the behavior of a grown woman who was also there with her family.  This yogurt establishment was kind enough to have small paper cups by each yogurt flavor.  The generous intent, of course, is for patrons to be able to taste the flavor, ensuring they’ll love their yogurt selection before filling their regular-sized serving cup with it.

We watched from our table as one woman went back to the same yogurt machine more than a dozen times with her “tasting cup.”  She would fill the cup, stacking the yogurt as high as it could stand, immediately put her mouth over it before it toppled over, take two more bites from the remainder of her cup, and then go back to the same machine for more.

This is stealing, was all I could think.

She didn’t need to, either.  She was clearly financially able to pay for it.  In fact, her husband and children had tasted and purchased yogurt.  Not her, though.  She just kept going back.  Again and again with her paper cup.  Each time, enjoying her yogurt, and each time, making me more and more uncomfortable.

This is a small business.  In a competitive market.  In a tough economy.  And you are STEALING from them.  What you are doing is WRONG, I wanted to shout!!

My husband and I used it as a learning opportunity to teach our kids the difference between right and wrong, and then we quickly left.  I couldn’t watch it any longer.  (I did discreetly notify the owner on our way out, though.  I felt it was the right thing to do.)

Then I started wondering…how many times are people really stealing when they don’t feel like they are?  How many times do we just take, when we should be giving something in return as well?

Do you give your best at work every day?  Do you perform like the person you sold them on in your interview?  Because that’s what you said you would do.  That’s what you’re being paid to do.  Are you taking money for a service you promised, but not delivering to the extent of your word?

What about at home?  Do you take things from your spouse without showing appreciation?  Are your children giving you unconditional love without you paying them enough attention back?  What else do you happily receive, without thinking about how you can give back?

Are there areas in our life where we’re just plain stealing, without giving the proper reimbursement that is due?

On this Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to think about this.  Consider where you can give more than you receive, because at the end of the day, everything comes at a cost.  Don’t try to steal it.  In the end, the price could be so much more costly than you’d ever want.

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life. 

What Are You Closing Out of Your Circle?

I want you to think back to elementary school gym class for a second.  Remember when you had to get all the kids in your class to hold hands in a circle?  Inevitably, a perfect circle would be formed…And then a few more kids, who were off dilly-dallying somewhere, would show up and try to force themselves into the space that now doesn’t have enough room for them.

The gym teacher would then have to ask everyone to take one giant step backwards to open up the circle.  One big step backwards made all the difference.  Suddenly, space opened in the circle and everyone could be included in the game.

Consider this for a moment: Do you regularly look around to see if you’re closing anyone out of your circle?  What would one giant step backwards open up for you?

In business, new employees (whether new to the company or new to a team) should feel welcomed and encouraged to jump into projects and begin contributing.  Often times, fear of stepping on others’ toes holds new employees back.  Fitting in, navigating office politics or worrying about a first impression seem to take a priority, and so it takes months before the business gets the true benefit of that new employee’s strengths and fresh perspectives.

As leaders, we should encourage everyone not to hold back.  Always speak up, always contribute an idea – even if you’re new, even if it sounds crazy and even if it comes from the most unlikely person.  We should create a positive, energetic and creative environment that draws people in and includes their strengths, ideas and feedback.  A closed circle blocks all of these things, but one step back could create a new dynamic that feeds everyone’s success.

In life, we should look to see who the newcomers are to our neighborhood, church, school, community or sports organizations.  Do you seek these people out and see how you can help them feel more comfortable?  Wouldn’t you want someone to do that for you?

What if that new person has something great to contribute to your community?  What if they’re just the kind of friend you’d love to be around?  What if they could enrich your life?

You’d never know unless you opened your circle to them.

Perhaps people come into our circles for a reason.  Perhaps they’re sent to us with purpose and a plan.  Perhaps it’s fate, or perhaps it could be dumb luck.  Regardless, take that step to open your circle.  See what happens when you invite others to the game.

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life. 

Leading Change with Style!

Change.  Most people hear the word and immediately feel their stomach tighten.  We brace ourselves for it, don’t we? …Because we assume it may be bad.  Or hard.  Or both. (UGH!)

For those that follow me on this blog, or Twitter, or Facebook or LinkedIn, you know that my family and I moved to Dallas about six months ago.  Yes, it’s already been six months!!!

Talk about change!  The move brought so many changes – some planned, some not planned, but mostly all good things.  Hindsight allows me to see this.  Fear and self-consciousness preventing me from enjoying some of these changes at the onset (lesson learned!)

About a month into our new community, I realized I needed to do “something.”  I needed to do something that would satisfy my need for connection – the kind you get in-person and in your own neighborhood.  You know what I mean, right?  I’m talking about feeling totally comfortable “borrowing” an ingredient instead of going to the store; letting your kids go play inside someone else’s house and knowing they’re well taken care of; or just seeing someone outside and spontaneously starting a Friday night, multiple family night of fun.  See what I mean?  Total comfort, connection, grace and love.

I knew I would have to push myself outside of my comfort zone.  That was the first step – get courageous.  Then, I had to push myself outside of my “normal” thinking.  What do I need to do differently to get the results I’m looking for?  I need a great conversation starter that most women can relate to or enjoy.

Enter Stella & Dot.  This has been a game-changer for me in more ways than I expected.

I’d been enjoying Stella & Dot’s fashionable jewelry for years, so I thought why not represent the company and have a great reason to casually hang out with other women, meet their friends and expand my community?!!  I’ve been able to do just that and have gotten to know some really wonderful women I otherwise would not have met.  That was part of my proactive plan…but I have gotten so many other benefits as a result of my out-of-the-box thinking!

Stella & Dot is an example of female leadership at its finest.  Founder and CEO, Jessica Herrin and Chief Creative Officer, Blythe Harris are seriously motivated, creative, highly educated women who are most concerned with helping women increase confidence, feel worthy and independent, and grow skills they can be proud of.  Awesome, NYC-designed jewelry just happens to be the medium they’re leveraging.  These women are innovative industry-leaders, and their business acumen is putting the company in the press’ spotlight on a regular basis for its success story…and I get to learn from them every day!

The business model also puts me in a great position to lead and mentor other women.  This is a passion of mine and something I have spent time and energy on in my leadership company, Sagestone Partners.  I wasn’t thinking about jewelry as a way to put me in this position, but I now have a wonderful opportunity to build into women and to be purposeful about helping them achieve their own definition of happiness and success.  This really fuels me, and I’m finding that it’s a significant benefit to women who want to find more meaning and purpose in their lives.  Again, the jewelry is the vehicle to helping women understand what they want from life.  Who knew this would happen?  But what an outstanding opportunity to create a legacy!!

I’ve had a few people ask me if I plan to continue doing both Stella & Dot, as well as Sagestone Partners, and the answer is unequivocally YES!!!  I am currently coaching executives, doing keynote speeches and developing training nationally.  I’m grateful that my business is strong and yet flexible so I can balance work and family in a way that makes sense for us.  Stella & Dot only adds fashion, fun and more opportunity to do what I love while connecting with other women, and I have to add…the extra income is nice icing on the cake!!

When I think about this huge life change for me and my family, I could have sat back and let life lead me where it may.  But I’m not wired that way.  I’m wired to be a leader.  A positive change agent.  A role model for my children.  A partner to my husband.  A builder and supporter of successful, happy women.  A value-adder.  I’m someone who wants to make a difference, and only I can take the initiative to lead that charge.

I am a woman and I am a leader…and I’m going to lead change with style…and fully enjoy the ride!!  Want to join me?

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life. 

A Loss for the Broncos; A Win for Tebow’s Leadership

Talk about a blowout.  The New England Patriots did just about everything right in Saturday night’s NFL playoff game.  If you’re a fan of the Denver Broncos, not only were you disappointed in such a butt-kicking loss, but you were saddened to see their ‘against-all-odds’ run, led by quarterback Tim Tebow, come to an end.

Like most of the world, I am fascinated by the media attention given to and the resulting impact of Tim Tebow.  This athlete is like no other quarterback, sports professional or even celebrity we’ve ever seen!

Because of his outspokenness, Tebow caused John 3:16 (his favorite Bible verse) to be a top-trending search on Google.  And, this isn’t the first time he’s done that, either.  His name is adorning headline after headline – some reinforcing his encouragement, some criticizing it.  Nonetheless, he’s without a doubt one of the most talked-about people in our nation right now.

There’s just something different about him, don’t you agree?  It’s that something that has everyone talking.  I think that something is his leadership.

Tebow demonstrates leadership in a way we don’t often see, and from a position that hasn’t often been leveraged to this extent off the football field.  He is an outstanding model of four key leadership principles that we can all learn from.

He’s not afraid to be different. 

How many people can really say this?  Not many from what I’ve seen.  We all have these “little voices” in our heads that undermine our confidence, and instead of allowing us to stand-out, cause us to conform to everyone else.  We want to be liked and accepted.  We want to be in the “in-crowd.”  We want to fit in with everyone, perhaps being at the “top” of everyone…but not so much that it would cause us to be different.

But the best leaders, the ones throughout all of history that we can all point to, they are all different.  They are non-conformists.  They are passionate about their different way of thinking.  They know it’s their difference that will make all the difference!  Abe Lincoln took an unpopular and different stance against slavery; Martin Luther King, Jr. had a different dream for equal rights; Steve Jobs took a different approach to give most people access to computer technology; Tony Hsieh addressed customer satisfaction differently by creating and nurturing a happy workforce.

The list could go on, but the point is clear: confidence in thinking differently breeds innovation and change.  You can’t be just like everyone else and lead people to someplace new.  For Tebow, it’s leading people to Christ, and he’s not afraid if that makes him different.  (By the way, he’s also proud to be the first homeschooled athlete to win the highly notable Heisman Award, because it provides a great example of homeschooling success, for both academics and extracurricular activities – another big difference versus “traditional” thinking.)

He models humility and service to others. 

Tebow is known for serving his teammates, his community and children with severe illnesses.  He easily gives away credit where it’s due, and his interviews reflect a heart not eager to be famous, but rather to make a difference.

For every game, Tebow brings a sick or terminally ill child and his/her family to spend time with him before and after the game.  He genuinely cares, and although he wants to win a football game, he seems more passionate about putting a smile on a child’s face.  His actions inspire long-time sports fans and writers alike.

During a game, he is known for encouraging his teammates, giving grace when mistakes are made and keeping energy levels up.  When a perfectly thrown pass is dropped by a receiver, Tebow is likely to help his teammate blow off the mistake, because he “still needs to catch the game-winning pass.”

Like a great leader, Tebow makes his presence known, not for self-serving purposes, but to somehow make life better for those around him.

He provides hope and vision.

There are so many things about Tebow that seem to be “unexplainable.”  His unorthodox style of quarterbacking has experts both baffled and frustrated when it results in a win for his team.  He helps us to believe in the unbelievable – for some, perhaps a step into Christian faith, for others, a simple belief that the underdog can win.

Tebow has overcome doubters and obstacles all his life; starting from birth, when his mother was advised to abort him after receiving medical treatment when she didn’t realize she was pregnant.  During his college years, he received numerous awards and honors, including launching a non-profit on campus and making philanthropy “cool” for college kids.

As a professional NFL player, Tebow, who may not be the most consistent quarterback, uses the platform to provide hope to fans, viewers and teammates.  He often comments about the importance of relationships he has built with his players and coaches.  And, perhaps, most importantly to him, he is helping millions of people to believe in something bigger than themselves.  He is consistent in his behavior and words, making it hard for people do doubt his belief or intentions….which only leaves them with hope that maybe, just maybe, there could be truth in what he is saying.

Napoleon Bonaparte is quoted as saying, “a leader is a dealer in hope.”  Tebow provides a vision filled with hope.  His actions even have coined a term called “tebowing” and he is one of the most popular NFL players, with his jersey and fathead likeness flying off the shelves.  It’s hard to argue that people don’t want more of what this leader is dealing.

He is passionate and purpose-driven.

Millions of people are Googling Bible verses.  Sexy magazines are polling people about the value of virginity and waiting until you’re married.  People everywhere are seeing the value of giving back, or even just being a person of integrity.  Tebow is making values seem “cool” and it’s motivating people to mimic him.

Like all great leaders, Tebow is passionately focused on his purpose.  He is unabashed about it, despite heavy criticism by some.  The criticism doesn’t sway him.  Ever.  He is focused, fully-believing in what he’s supposed to be doing with his life.

Tebow’s unwavering may be what is most convincing to others.  His confidence and passion in his purpose seems to stir something in all of us.  After all, don’t we all want to better understand what we’re here for?  Purpose is something that most people want to better understand and claim for their own lives.  Tebow seems to know his with clarity.

People want to follow a leader who is this sure, this passionate about his purpose.  We want a piece of the dream, and we want to be marching behind someone whose intentions are this clear in getting us there.

Tebow many not be the best NFL quarterback in history, and who knows if he’ll even be a starter next season.  Regardless, he’s made his mark on the world, and he’s made millions think and hope.  And, I don’t think he’s going away any time soon.  I think he still has more leading to do.

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.

Leadership Lessons from a Christmas Crisis

Happy New Year and welcome to 2012!!  I’m excited to begin the next chapter of life, and I’m planning for (not wishing or hoping for) my best year ever.  How about you?

I have to admit, 2011 didn’t end as I had thought it would.  This was my family’s first holiday season in Dallas.  Given that this is still a transition time for us (we’re recent transplants,) I wasn’t expecting that it would feel like the last three decades of Christmases, surrounded by family and more friends than I can count!  Oh, this Christmas….this one was different for sure, but not in the way I had expected.

On the Friday before Christmas, I awoke with the worst headache (my first red flag, since I don’t tend to get headaches!)  Over-the-counter pain relievers and sinus/allergy medicines didn’t provide any relief as they normally would have, and the headache worsened as the day went on.

By evening, the pain had gone into my neck and back, in addition to encircling my head.  My lovely date night with my husband included a wonderful dinner and tickets to Les Miserables (our favorite musical.)  I only made it to the Intermission, when I apologetically looked at my husband and said, “I can’t take the pain anymore.”

We went straight to the Emergency Room.

After a CAT scan, blood work and two spinal taps (the first one didn’t garner any fluid) they admitted me into the hospital to spend Christmas weekend with a diagnosis of viral meningitis.

I allowed myself to mourn and be sad for only a few hours, and then I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and considered what I should be grateful for and what I can learn from this situation.  It’s amazing how we can find leadership lessons just about anywhere, if we only look….

Listen to your body.  Hear what it needs and take care of it.  You can never be your best – even with all the talent and passion in the world - if you can’t physically do it.  Your health is vital to your success!

I had no idea what was wrong with me…but I know my body.  I knew my morning headache was unusual and as the symptoms increased, my gut kept nudging me to get help.  I’m so glad I listened!

By the way, your body sends you more subtle messages too.  It doesn’t just speak to you in emergencies.  Do you listen when your body says it’s tired, hungry, in need of movement, relaxation, creative stimulation, or even a good cry?  Your body tells you all these things and more.  If you want to bring your best to the New Year, you must be in tune with your body.  Listen to what it says and respond accordingly.

Advocate for yourself.  Communicate clearly your desired outcome and any obstacles you need help removing.  Nobody can help you get there, if they don’t know where “there” is or what’s getting in your way.

After arriving in the ER, they quickly did a CAT scan of my head and told me it showed that I had sinusitis.  I have allergies, and I often suffer from sinus-related issues as a result.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I knew without a doubt this was more than a sinus issue.  I clearly and confidently communicated that although my sinuses might be inflamed, this was not what I was feeling.  I detailed my symptoms again and asked for additional tests.  This little “push” got further action and results.

Do the “right” people know what you want in your future?  Are you asking for help from people who actually have the power and authority to help you?  Never just assume that people know what you want.  Be sure you’re communicating your goals, your confidence and your intention, so others can help!

Don’t let fear make decisions for you.  My advocating got me additional testing in the form of a spinal tap.  I was afraid to allow them to puncture my spine, but that’s exactly where I found my answers.

I could have said no.  Frankly, I wanted to say no after they explained it to me.  I had gotten epidurals before with the birth of both my children.  Both times they hit nerves, and I knew they’d be going even deeper with a spinal tap.  I was already in so much pain…did I need to go through more?!?!  I did, and logically, I knew it.

You will never make a clear decision when you allow fear to drive you.  Fear is powerful, and often not in good ways.  It impairs your judgment, squelches healthy risk and holds creativity prisoner.  It can be a bad four-letter word and should not be empowered to drive your actions.  Don’t give into it when it’s not necessary!

Social media is powerful!  Once I got settled into my room, my sweet husband brought me some personal items, including my iPad.  He quickly took my picture and said, go ahead and post it on Facebook.  He knew it was the quickest way to send a consistent message to many people at once, and he knew those same people would encourage me and give me strength to deal with this crisis.

My darling husband knows me well enough to realize how much I value community and connectedness.  This Christmas was going to be hard, just being away from the home I have known for the last 30+ years, but to be isolated in the hospital on top of that…well, that just wouldn’t do!  He gave me the exact tool I needed to fuel my well-being; instant connection with people who love me.

This, by the way, turned out to be my best Christmas present!!  I was able to keep everyone updated on my prognosis and recovery, but equally as important, I received more loving and encouraging wishes through Facebook than I could have ever imagined!!  People were coming out of the woodwork to pray for me, make me smile and coach me through the process of healing.  I am convinced I would have remained in the hospital longer without this chicken soup for my soul.

Whether it be Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or some new-fangled site I don’t yet know about, think about how you could use it to more effectively communicate, demonstrate leadership or rally the energy of many toward a common purpose.  I’m telling you, bringing people together has power, and social media brings people together!

A grateful attitude lifts your spirits and inspires others.  While I was being nurtured back to health by many supporters, I did my best to remain positive and show them and everyone helping me how sincerely grateful I was.  As it turns out, people felt inspired by this.  They felt as though I was somehow being courageous and optimistic, and it even caused some people to take action on things in their own lives!!  Wow, I love how attitudes can be contagious (better than the virus, right?!)

Good or bad, I have found that the people around you not only react to your attitude, but it affects them too!  What kind of effect do you want to have on the people around you?  Do you want to infect them with the germs of negativity, or do you want to lead people to a better place?  Either way, you’re “catchy,” so be mindful!

Today, I am home recuperating with just mild headaches and stiffness, along with some “normal” (for me) sinus congestion and fatigue.  Each day I feel better and better, and each day I have reflected on the blessings that came out of this chaos.

I am amazed by and ever-so-grateful for the wonderful (and cheerful) care provided by every single professional at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital Dallas.  I am blessed beyond measure to have a supportive and loving family (my children opened Christmas presents on my hospital bed instead of immediately under the tree, my husband was a thoughtful and outstanding care-taker, and my mother made sure I didn’t need to lift a finger for the four days she was here.)

My spirit is renewed by the power of love and community, as well as the connectedness and communication brought by social media.  My belief in leadership is stronger than ever.  And this New Year has begun…bringing us all a fresh start, a clean slate, a new chapter to begin writing…

What leadership lessons will you take with you on your journey?  And where is your journey taking you?  I’d love to hear!!

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.

Under The Influence

This article was submitted by Kaity Nakagoshi, on behalf of the University of Notre Dame, in partnership with the University Alliance.  The University of Notre Dame offers an online executive certificate in leadership and management, negotiations, and business administration.  To find out additional information about these higher education opportunities please visit http://www.notredameonline.com/.

What do Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, Vice President Joe Biden, Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, fashion designer Tom Ford, and teeny-bopper sensation Justin Bieber all have in common?  They all made Time’s 100 list of 2011 – it named the “most influential people in the world”.  As this eventful year comes to an end, perhaps it is a great opportunity to reflect on what makes an individual stand out enough to make “the list”.  Is it a polished suit and CEO title? Is it a viral YouTube video or a chart-topping album?  What about a reality show television star or a bunch of rowdy protestors?  Whether or not all those examples made the list is irrelevant.  The truth is that the word influential can be defined in a number of ways, and is based on personal experience.

You see it every day. Sometimes, when you sign in to your Twitter account or turn on the television, there are examples of leadership (both good and bad) staring you right in the face.  Such was the case after the K-Mart “layaway angel” made his generous donation.  Heartwarming stories like this and the “pay it forward” Starbucks drive-thru are unbelievable examples of influential people.  Seeing videos like that not only inspires me to perform a similar act of generosity, but it also instills people with a sense of hope.  Especially during times of low morale and a poor economy, people crave leadership.  It’s comforting to know that random acts of kindness are not extinct, and that leadership does not need fame or fortune to exist.

Social media has certainly helped introduce us to emerging leaders, but let’s pretend for a minute that there is no YouTube, no Twitter, no Facebook, and no news apps for your smart phone.  Without all of those things which we have grown to heavily rely on, is it still possible to discover influential leadership in unlikely places?  Based on my most recent experience in a hospital emergency room, I can answer that question with a solid yes.

Upon my impromptu visit to an emergency room to see a family member, I fully expected to encounter skilled nurses and doctors with a passion for helping the sick and the weak.  What I did not foresee was the incredible compassion and generosity that was dealt my way.  The situation that brought my family together in that emergency room was not the best, but it was also not the worst.  Luckily, no one was hurt, but the emotions were still running high, especially on my end.  A  wonderful male nurse named Chris escorted me to the break room and gave me a bottle of water out of their fridge.  Unfortunately, his shift ended while we were still there.  At this point, we had still had minimal contact with Chris, but as he walked out he reached for my hand, cupped it in his own, and whispered “good luck” to me.

Even amongst chaos, an influential leader made his presence known.  I have never once considered becoming a nurse because I am far too squeamish and germ-a-phobic.  But, Chris made me give that a second thought.  For a second, I actually pictured myself in the same role as Chris, bringing comfort to people during their darkest hours.  Granted, that moment was short lived. I know that I am not strong enough to deal with those situations, but that does not mean I can’t put my strengths to work elsewhere.  I have every intention of sending Chris, and the other nurses that were also kind, a thank you card and homemade cookies.  I realize that caring for patients and their loved ones is part of a nurse’s job, but letting them hang out in the break room is not standard protocol.

I will never forget that experience, so I think it’s safe to say it was an influential one.  Instead of letting Time, Forbes, or any other well-known publication tell us who the top leaders are, we should figure it out on our own.  Leaders are people that make a difference.  They do not have a specific mold, job title, or dress code, and they do not necessarily have to have a Wikipedia page.  All a leader needs to do is impact your life, and that is their legacy.  As we embark upon a new year and a new journey, let’s reflect on leaders that have influenced us in some shape or form.

So, who made your list?

Redefining Power

It’s clearly the Christmas season, because my good friend, Deb Costello keeps giving me these wonderful gifts of her writing to post on my blog!!  In her latest inspirational piece, she challenges us to consider what we are allowing to have power in our lives.  Think about that.  It’s worth your time, and her post is worth the read – and be SURE to click the embedded link to view her video slideshow!  I promise, you’ll end with a smile!!  Leave a comment and let Deb know what you think!

It began like a lot of things do, with a click.  I clicked on a link called “The 45 Most Powerful Images of 2011.”  You’re welcome to look at it yourself.  Sadly, there are few images of goodness or happiness; for the most part they portray the destructive power of nature and acts of human violence, hunger, anger, and death.  When I finished looking at them, I was saddened, deeply troubled, and I thought, are these really the most powerful images we can create in 2011?  Are these the people, the ideas, the events that we have granted power to in this year?

You see, I think we give power.  Power comes from our acceptance of controlling forces.  We believe that there is superior strength, wisdom, or courage in our lives.  A person or event is powerful because we are affected emotionally or physically, and the depth of the power wielded is the direct result of our own willingness to allow it to do so.

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think power is bad.  I just don’t think negatives need be the great power wielders in our lives.  I’d rather give power to something different, something positive.  I have a friend who calls me willfully oblivious.  I try to see people and events in the best possible light, to interpret negatives as honest mistakes, bureaucratic inadequacies, perhaps foolishness. I need bifocals now, but am resistant, honestly too vain to wear them.  When I finally give in, I imagine they will be rose-colored, and I will think they make me look scholarly rather than older.

Anyway, after viewing those pictures, I started thinking, am I crazy?  Maybe I’m the only one who is disturbed by this.  After all, more than 8 million people have viewed those powerful images and 800,000 have liked them on facebook.  So I thought I’d ask my facebook friends to help me gather a different kind of powerful image.  Last Sunday night I posted this:

So many of these pictures are of natural disaster or human violence… Only a few are positive… This saddens me… Take a moment, scroll though your phone and post for me on my page your favorite picture of beauty or joy or happiness… I will start it off… Indulge me, drown me in your favorites… Please…

And I went to bed.  In the morning there were some pictures.  I gathered them together in an album and the next night I asked again.  In the morning there were more.  So I kept going.  Five days later I had 100 beautiful pictures from 50 photographers, pictures of sunsets rather than hurricanes, weddings rather than police actions, couples holding hands, children laughing and dancing, dogs, flowers, and a lovely cup of coffee.

And so I share a selection of them here.  Here are my 45 Powerful Images of 2011.

Some of them are truly spectacular images.  Others have even more power because of the story behind them.  In one wedding photo, the priest is presiding over his own daughter’s wedding. In another the boy whose hand is being touched through the window is in Haiti. The sleeping child is the son of a cancer survivor.  It goes on and on.  These images represent beauty and happiness, joy and laughter, POWER in another person’s life.  More importantly for me, they represent friendship and love.  These men and women gave me their images because they believe with me that the power in our lives is ours to determine.  We can allow the negative to control us or we can embrace the amazing love, beauty, happiness, joy, and hope that literally surround us.

2012.  Your choice.  Your year.  Redefine power.

I list the names of the contributors here in gratitude and ask that you embrace our collective vision in the coming year.  Should you wish to use one of these photos please contact me, and I will put you in touch with the photographer.

Contributors and photographers:  Becky Abraham, Andi Acker, Tara Alemany, Sarah Alexander, Erin Barnett, Jen Baselice, Colleen Costello, Jim Costello, Kristen Costello, Kailey Delisle, Lali DeRosier, Donna Egan, Tom Egan, Linell Ela, Vern Ela, Dawn Ferguson, Bartholomew Franz, Deb Fulscher, Sam Garrett, Kyra Hartog, K. Hill, Laurie Jacobs, Lyndy Komen, Claire Lessard, Kayla Levin, Susan Lilley, Greg Lutz, Tam Marshall, Anne McCarthy, Meghan Michel, Cyndi Parrish, Paula Phillips, Erin Schreyer, Shannon Skarshaug, Susan Smith, Jay Jay Stroup, Sheila Underwood, Michael Vagnini, Jenna Vallario, Karen van Caulil, Laura Vinal, Jamie Vorwald, Peggy Vorwald, Donna Walker, Kenna Ware, Brian Wasserman, Whitney Ellen Photography, Carolyn Wisniewski, John Wisniewski, Dawn Young.

Deborah Costello has been a teacher of high school Mathematics, Psychology and Leadership for more than twenty years.  She currently serves as the Mathematics Department Chair at a small private school in Orlando, Florida.  In the past decade she has worked with colleagues to improve school-wide professional development, increase technology integration, and effectively harness social media.  She has coached Quiz Bowl, swimming, softball, volleyball, and bowling.

Deb also serves as a consultant for the College Board, traveling throughout the United States to train beginning AP Calculus teachers and has been an AP Calculus reader for the past six years.  Recently she has been an occasional blogger for the LeadChange Group.  Her current passions include fund-raising for breast cancer research and coaching women triathletes.

Deb is married and raising two rowdy teenage boys and her rambunctious black lab, Lucy.  Find Deb on Twitter (@costelloland), LinkedIn (http://www.linkedin.com/pub/deb-costello/7/965/3a1), and at her triathlon team website(https://sites.google.com/site/triathlontoday/)

 

Are You REALLY Compassionate?

What an honor it is to have a post today from guest blogger, Deb Costello!  I met Deb on Twitter, and we quickly cemented our friendship while attending Leaderpalooza together.  She is an amazing educator, a generous and kind person and a fellow “instigator” of leadership.  If you’re like me, this post will really challenge you to think and push yourself to become more compassionate.  She makes some excellent points!!  Read on and enjoy….

I grew up in Minnesota, the daughter of hard-working parents.  My father told me many things, but the words that stuck were these:  “Work hard, play hard. That’s all there is.”   That might not seem like a good guide for life, but it serves pretty well a lot of days.  My father was tough on me.  He was tough on himself.  He had high expectations for me.  He had high expectations for himself.  He worked his way to the top by sweeping floors at first.  Eventually he was a big muckity-muck.  Titles didn’t matter much to him.  Hard work mattered.

I ran across a quote from Lou Holtz recently.  “Don’t tell your problems to people.  Eighty percent don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.”  This sounded like my dad.  It got me thinking.  Do I really believe this?  Do people really not care?

If I look around my world, it sometimes seems this way.  There’s bickering everywhere.  Millions are out of work and still there are few if any solutions.  Here in Central Florida there are more children living poverty than anywhere else in the United States.  We depend on construction and tourism, industries that have both suffered mightily in recent years.  And then there is the Occupy Wall Street movement.  The response from many has been, why don’t these people get jobs?

All this got me thinking about compassion.  I really think a lot of people are compassionate.  There are many that offer assistance through their churches, food banks, of other organizations.  They do care!  But somehow, in addition to all this caring is judgment.  We deem some folks worthy of our compassion and assistance and others not so much.  How do we decide that the people who go to the food bank deserve food, but the Occupy Wall Street crowd needs to get to work?  We weep when we see a video of a bullied boy, but sneer that kids in gangs should be in prison.

And then there’s a lot of conversation from folks like my dad. “I pulled myself up by my bootstraps,” or “I worked hard all my life and never asked for anything.”  As my dad jokingly says, “I walked to school in the snow all winter, 3 miles uphill both ways.”  It’s the idea that anyone that hasn’t struggled as hard as we have, hasn’t worked as long as we have, is undeserving of help.

And my response is really?  REALLY?

What is it about you or me or anyone in particular that gets to set the standard for compassion?  What if someone that works way harder than you or me gets to set the standard?  What if I work as hard as I can but don’t meet this standard?  Who gets to decide if I deserve help?   Is there something about me or you or anyone that makes them undeserving of food or warmth or shelter or safety?  Is there something that makes an individual unworthy of an education or healthcare?

So you’re wondering, what do I want?  I want compassion, genuine compassion.    

What do I mean?  Compassion is sympathetic pity and concern for the suffering of others.  In essence we feel bad about someone else’s situation. That bad feeling prompts us to do something to change the situation. We offer to help.  We donate food or money or toys or time.  And this is good, for us and for others.  Compassion is a good thing.  But I want more.

You see, in order to activate compassion, we seem to need to know the gory details of the situation.  We must understand the “why” of the need.  The sad story prompts our response.  And the problem is, sometimes we can’t know the story behind the need.  We don’t get a YouTube video or a “60 Minutes” story on every person in need.  People shouldn’t be forced to beg.  Must we hear the details of their need in order to respond?  Begging is humiliating.  Must we bear witness to humiliation in order to offer help?  How is this compassionate?

So I’m asking you to feel compassion, to truly love your neighbor, and to give, not because you know every back story and you’re 100% sure that every dollar or canned good or minute of your time is going to someone who “deserves” it.  I’m asking you to help your neighbors and the local food bank and Toys for Tots and your church group and all the other groups and causes and people that ask because you can. Period.  No strings. No judgment.  Help all you can.  Give all you can.  Love all you can. Because there’s one thing I know about most people who ask for help.  They are saddened, they are ashamed, they are humiliated because they cannot do for themselves.  And they desperately wish they could do what you and I can do…  feel compassion and help someone in need.

And oh yeah… for all you naysayers out there, let me say this: It is possible that your help, your dollars, your time will go to someone who is “undeserving.” So what. You diversified your giving.  Sometimes investments don’t pay off.  The rest did, and frankly, it is far more likely that if you actually knew the story, you would be compelled to do, to give even more. In the end, it is not for us to judge the worthiness of another.  It is for us to love each other, to lift each other up in kindness and compassion, for this is the great gift of humanity.

I think about my father’s words and with a small addition, pass them on as a guide for my own children.

Work hard, play hard, love hard. That’s all there is.

Deborah Costello has been a teacher of high school Mathematics, Psychology and Leadership for more than twenty years.  She currently serves as the Mathematics Department Chair at a small private school in Orlando, Florida.  In the past decade she has worked with colleagues to improve school-wide professional development, increase technology integration, and effectively harness social media.  She has coached Quiz Bowl, swimming, softball, volleyball, and bowling.

Deb also serves as a consultant for the College Board, traveling throughout the United States to train beginning AP Calculus teachers and has been an AP Calculus reader for the past six years.  Recently she has been an occasional blogger for the LeadChange Group.  Her current passions include fund-raising for breast cancer research and coaching women triathletes.

Deb is married and raising two rowdy teenage boys and her rambunctious black lab, Lucy.  Find Deb on Twitter (@costelloland), LinkedIn (http://www.linkedin.com/pub/deb-costello/7/965/3a1), and at her triathlon team website (https://sites.google.com/site/triathlontoday/)

It’s Up to Us to Teach Our Kids to Lead!

There’s a very powerful video on YouTube, featuring a kid named Jonah.  This video is going viral, stirring quite a reaction in people.

I’m one of them.  I haven’t stopped thinking about Jonah since I viewed the video this morning.

I’m a mother of two kids; one boy and one girl.  I want the best for them, and I don’t mean material best.  I’m referring to happiness in life.  I want that more than anything for them.

I want them to know who they are and to be proud of that.  I want them to feel good about their efforts, even if it doesn’t win them first place.  I want them to follow their passions and to feel exhilarated – not ashamed – of the journey!  I want them to know what it feels like to be flawed and yet fully loved by family and friends, and I equally want them to know the joy of sacrificing for others.

I want to give them the best odds for success in life, and so I teach them about leadership. And doing what’s right. And faith.  And service.  And kindness.

But sometimes I feel like I’m in the minority.  Bigtime.  And my kids feel it sometimes too.

You see, I watched this video and I thought about how many campaigns I’ve seen against bullying.  I’ve seen the commercials, the celebrities speaking out, the “how to spot the signs” education for parents.  It’s all good and important and worth your time…but…

What’s missing?

How many parents, coaches, pastors, youth workers, counselors will watch this video and talk to their kids about their words and actions?  Everyone’s worried about “what if it happens to me or someone in my family?”  We’re all playing defense.

Does it occur to adults that someone’s kid is doing the bullying?  And it might be yours or a kid you know?  (And you can help stop it!)

How many adults will talk to their children about the power of words?  Do you discuss the negative impact of name-calling, teasing, ostracizing and laughing at others’ expense?  Do you explain that it can be hard to bounce back and that sometimes those effects can cause kids to cry, get depressed or, God forbid, take their own lives.  Do you describe the weight of the guilt they could feel, or the school and legal ramifications they could face if something harmful should result?  It’s a reality these days, and kids need to know that their bullying can have major consequences.

I don’t see it happening.  And it needs to change.

I was told recently by someone in my own neighborhood that I “just need to understand children – especially boys.  They look for the weakest one, and they go after him.  It’s just how kids are.”

You know what?  I don’t buy it.  I don’t believe that babies come out of the womb with a survival of the fittest instinct.  Our ability to think, to process information, to have feelings and emotions, to rationalize – - that’s what separates us from animals.  So, I’m not accepting this.  Not for second.

We live in a competitive world.  I get that.

I see parents pushing their kids to be the best at everything they do.  I see them holding their kids back to be bigger and better in sports.  I see the trainers and tutors being hired; not because their kids need help, but because they’re being pushed to be in the “elite.”  I see kids totally stressed out and not having a clue what “downtime” or imaginative free play or a neighborhood pick-up game is like.  (Those, by the way, are my best memories of my childhood!)

Parents are pushing their kids hard and fast.  But where is the push for character, integrity and values?

I keep laughing that I’m the “crazy lady” who is screaming as my kids run out the door.  I yell be kind, thoughtful and encouraging!  Our house rule is that if what you’re about to say or do can’t fall into one of those three buckets, it’s not worth saying or doing.  Of course, they’re kids, and they’re not perfect, but I figure if I keep trying and repeating, it will sink in.

In addition, this is also posted on our refrigerator.

We have an opportunity – NO, it’s a responsibility – as parents and as adults.

It’s up to us to teach our children.  To guide them, and to show them what being a great leader looks like…and it’s not about domination, degradation and defiance.

Leadership is about value  -  you acknowledging and engaging the value in others, and them willingly following you for the value you bring to them.  At any age, and in any position in life – this is leadership.

We are all different.  We all have value.  We are all needed for what we bring to the table, and we CANNOT all be alike.  Diversity is what makes life beautiful.  Diversity is what makes companies smarter and more successful.  It takes all of us to succeed and to make life work.

Who is willing to teach their kids this lesson?  Who is willing to love their children, even if they choose not to be “perfect” in your eyes?  Who is willing to demonstrate love and acceptance and ask that their children follow their lead?  Who would be willing to apply ramifications for anything otherwise?

I will.  Will you stand with me in the hopes to make a change?  Our kids and our next generation of leaders is depending on us.

Today, we are the ones with the power to influence and to set the example.  It’s up to us, and so I ask you…will you take this on with me?  Will you fight for the lives of all of our children?  Will you fight for what’s right?  Because, we live in a competitive world, and it will take all of us…

Erin Schreyer is President of Sagestone Partners and a Certified Coach, Trainer and Speaker.  Erin is passionate about building into people and bringing out their leadership qualities to help them excel in all areas of life.